What: Tornado Alley Hash #1156
Where: Joe's Old Town Bar and Grill
When: Wednesday, November 28th, 6:00 PM
Hare: Born on Your Anus
Hash Cash: $3
Shiggy Rating: 1
BN's: At least one
Hounds: Phi Phi Licker, Dipshit, Dipstick, Amanta, Puff, Boathouse Pussy, Cuddle Puncher, ADHD
One of the problems with Tornado Alley is that there are really only two literate hashers. The one who typically writes up the trash chose to forsake the rest of us by taking in a night of pretentiousness and culture while the other one was the hare. So any anecdotes written about antics on trail are second-hand and most likely half-truths at best.
Trail started from Joe’s Oldtown Bar and Grill and headed west. There was immediately a pretty gnarly YBF that ADHD kindly scouted out for everyone else. The pack headed through Old Town and across Douglas through Naftzger (Bum) Park and past the Arena. From there, trail turned west again and took the hounds through the Waterwalk and finally to the Boathouse where there were 11 cold PBRs waiting for them. The hare wound up drinking later for not acknowledging the significance of the Boathouse, considering Boathouse Pussy herself was on trail. No one said that she got some under the yacht again, but then again, no one said she didn't (what happens on trail stays on trail).
After the BN, ADHD once again volunteered to scout out a wicked YBF before catching up with the rest of the pack who ran north along the river and then up to Century II, where NBA, our “GM for life”, was inside at the Mary Jane Teal Theater. She was undoubtedly adorned with her finest fur coat, bejeweled from head to toe with the most precious gems in all the land, and sipping Cristal with the rest of high society whilst they mocked the laborious plight of the proletariat. I’m actually pretty sure the Monopoly guy was there too; monocle, top hat, and all.
After following all of the hare’s "NBAN"s that he left at each of the potential doors (and was subsequently questioned by Century II Security) she would be exiting through in route to her limousine, the pack headed east through a few alleys, back through Old Town and ultimately back to Joe’s, where there was a “Beaver Check”. In a move that really surprised no one, Dipshit, who must have a healthy fear/hatred of vaginas, kicked dirt over it in a frantic attempt to shield himself from what he surely refers to as “disgusting lady parts”.
A circle, of course, ensued in the bar, where we’re quite certain our songs ran off a little old couple who were next to our table, sipping Cokes and watching the Shocker game. Because of Dipshit’s peculiar decision to hide the Beaver Check, Amanta was eager to show us her moon and beaver, which she did, multiple times!
It was probably the best “Full Beaver Moon” hash in the history of Tornado Alley. You are an asshole if you missed it.