Hounds: PP, Tina, nnSarah, nnMike, Puff, Ass, Cuddles
Without any of the hash elders we were left to fend for ourselves on the South side. Our lovely hare, BP, had a couple of strikes against her before we even started, having celebrated a bit much the night before and almost losing a finger during chalk talk. At least she didn’t bring Boxer Lager. The hounds gave her a 15 minute head (who said? . .. ) start which was completely unnecessary considering trail was only half a mile long. We stumbled across the first BN about 50 feet in to the trails of Chapin Park and the second (actually an “ Easter beer hunt”) about 10 feet later. Five more minutes of walking and we were at the on-in where the chips had tragically been stolen. PP was really whiney about it and nnSarah was surprised to learn that chips are just chips and it doesn’t mean something dirty. ASS stepped up as RA and led a spectacular, yet abbreviated, circle. The only way back to point A from the on-in was following pretty much the entire trail backwards to the parking lot. Tequila Tony joined us for the On-After at Harry’s Uptown where the consensus was that coming late is better than not coming at all . . . and that waffle fries are amazing.
Hounds: PP, Tina, nnSarah, nnMike, Puff, Ass, Cuddles
Hounds: BOYA, PP, BP, NBA, Dip, CP, Hummer, AG, nnKris, nnKatie, nnSarah, Tina
Trail left from Quincy's and zigzagged through the mean streets of west Wichita, before stopping at a park for a BN that was miraculously there despite a gaggle of kids playing soccer nearby.
Trail ended back up at Quincy's where we circled on the patio and entertained some of their guests with our songs. ONON!
Hare: Born On Your Anus
Hounds: Dip, BP, PPL, NBA, Tina, Stumpy, Puff, Hummer, Princess Peckerhontas, Anything Goes, nnJosh, nnSarah, nnKatie, nnAlex, Cuddle Puncher
Location: The Arena
We started this ordeal from the newly re-opened Arena Bar on Topeka at the Kellogg overpass. The owners and the sparse handful of patrons tolerated our presence (barely). The hare took off, after promising us no turkey/eagle splits, to the south of Kellogg. Trail wound through the railroad yards (always delightful) to our first beer near, at Mick's, a sleazy bar at the intersection of Lincoln and Washington St. (just our kind of bar). Half the pack had to leave because they neglected to listen to the hare when he said to take ID on trail, and they were not allowed entrance to this delightful drinkery. The pack then had to re-cross the train tracks, and one harriette barely survived being dismembered by the Silver Bullet Express that appeared out of nowhere, bound for nowhere, and caused irreparable psychological damage to the cowering harriette.
Trail continued south through parts of Wichita that we had not experienced, so kudos to the hare for that. The hare stashed the second beer near in a trash-strewn alley close to Broadway and Lincoln, but, not surprisingly, it was not there when the hounds turned up. We continued, parched, on to the north side of Kellogg, where we found the dreaded T/E split that the hare had promised he would not use. He was duly chastised for that egregious error.
We circled up back at the start, once again annoying the denizens of this establishment, and bestowed many acknowledgments of accomplishments as well as screw-ups upon the pack. A small handful stayed and participated in karaoke, much to the delight of the crowd. On on!
Hares: Born On Your Anus and Just Lays There
Hounds: Dip, ASS, NBA, Phi Phi Licker, Tina Eat the Piss, PQuad, nnCharlie, Anything Goes, Tequila Tony, Boobs In My Mouth, Stumpy Whisker Biscuit, Princess Peckerhontas, Amanta F and F, Little Red Dipshit, nnGabriel, nnRene, nnJake, nnJennie, Cuddle Puncher, Hummer Gay'mes, Boathouse Pussy
I have to admit that this was, hands down, the best Tornado Alley Hash House Harriers Green Dress Event EVER! At least so far, since there seemed to be consensus that we should humiliate ourselves like this every March. We attempted to start at the Cocks parking lot in Old Town, but the Parking Nazi seemed to think it was verboten, so we hied ourselves over across Douglas to a more tolerant start location. The hares provided us with green Anal Secretion to help make the trail more tolerable. Trail took a circuitous route through Old Town, then down 2nd Street, over north through the YMCA lobby (I'm sure they loved that), on west until we eventually made it to the Arkansas Trickle. We encountered a Turkey/Eagle split, with the Turkey going straight across the Trickle and the Eagle adding an extra half mile to trail but keeping our feet dry. We eventually found the first beer near in a vacant lot near Delano, and miracle of all miracles, we were amazed to find decent beer awaiting us, not the usual swill. And beyond this, a kindly law enforcement agent, who was blocking off the Street due to the parade, allowed us to drink the beer and even pointed us in the direction of the hares.
Princess Peckhontas and nnCharlie managed to pick up two virgins who had been invited by the hares to follow trail. The virgins didn't seem to think anything was unusual about our activities and they liked the idea of free beverages, so they hung with us to the end. Trail continued on through Delano and criss-crossed the parade route a couple times. We followed the train tracks west to the second beer near and were delighted to find green beer, not Boxer Lite. Then off to the south, by the Shamrock, and on over to Hummer Gay'mes' back yard for the on-in and circle, and more green beer. On after was back at the Shamrock, and even more green beer. A select few ventured to OC for actual food and more beer. All in all, a very shitty hash. On On!
Hare: Dip and Amanta
Hounds - BOYA, TF, PP, CP, HG, AG, nnCharlie, P'Quad
Trail headed west, criss-crossed the train tracks a few times, took us past a BN at the baseball fields, and ultimately ended up back at Merles.
Hares: Phi Phi Licker and Tina Eat the Piss
Hounds: BOYA, NBA, Dip, CP, Hummer, Puff, Amanta, Anything Goes
Trail started out at Public, where the cheap-ass hashers took advantage of the $2 Craft Beer happy hour specials, and then headed to the east, or something. It’s been a few days… we really need to start writing these while the details are still semi-fresh in our beer-riddled memories. Trail did lead us to the overpass, where we found the BN. After that we ran by some weird Christian training facility that no one knew existed. Finally, we ended at Rock Island Live, where we thoroughly annoyed the waitress who was clearly annoyed with how clever we all found ourselves to be. Leftover PBR was also enjoyed in secrecy, and we weren't even caught this time.
Admittedly, it wasn't that bad of a trail given how green our hares were. So luckily, they’ll be haring multiple times in the near future!
What: Tornado Alley Hash #1177
When: Saturday, March 2, 12:00 pm
Location: NBA's house at 348 N. Erie.
Hash Cash: $5
Hounds: Dip, BP, Cuddles, nnCuddles Friend, nnIPA John, Tina, Puff, Anything Goes, ADD
Pack gathered at NBA’s house, eagerly anticipating what was all but guaranteed to be an AMAZING trail laid by two very accomplished, not to mention attractive, hares. And as it happens, the hounds’ unrealistically high expectations of trail were surpassed by what was a legendary trail that will most likely go down in hash lore as one of the top 3 of all time.
Trail led south to where there a split that headed either further south or into an Oriental Massage Parlor. Trail then took the pack through a rather long underground storm sewage tunnel that had them reappear on the east side of Hillside, by a cemetery. Then the pack headed to the East, just north of Wesley hospital where Cuddle Puncher fell for a wicked YBF, courtesy of Born on Your Anus. Just East of Wesley, most of the pack found the BN, which was in someone’s driveway that NBA knew. At this point, the hares split up for a Turkey/Eagle option.
Unfortunately, the FRB was a virgin and couldn’t find the Eagle trail so he marked it out, depriving hashers of about two extra miles through College Hill Park, under that giant building on Hillside and Douglas, and back north towards NBAs. Some claimed to not have even seen the T/E, and others said they saw it but chose the Turkey option. In any event, they are all assholes.
At the ONIN, NBA fired up the grill and cooked some Hebrews. Or something like that. They were hot dogs and I’m pretty sure that Hebrew was in the name. Circle was good, Dip was feeling kind and spared us any potential deadbugs, and NBA had name brand chips. Yay!