Trail #1275 - Shitty McDipshit's Shittilicious Shitass Trail
Hare:  Lil Red Dipshit
Hounds:  Tina, Poopy, Cumbag, Puff, Gooey Spinjob, NBA

When the hounds think back to the highlights of this trail, the main image in their half-minds will be that of shit.  Piles and piles of shit.

Meeting at the Back Alley at 13th and Green-wich (not 'Grinnitch" as some pretentious outsiders are wont to pronounce it), the pack took off to the north.  Noting that the hare was strolling along with the hounds, and usually waaaaay behind the hounds, the pack did not take long to realize that this was a pre-laid trail.  We should have taken this as a bad omen, but pre-lube beverages had dulled our senses.  Going through a housing development that must have had a substation of the Wichita Dog Pound located in there, gauging from the mounds of dog shit we had to dodge, we followed plops of flour through several neighborhoods of ostentatious yet overpriced homes until we located what turned out to be the first beer near, at Granite City.  Since this was three miles into the trail, the pack mistakenly thought that surely this had to be near the end of trail, so we ordered large mugs of beverage and appetizers.  Having carb-loaded, we then took off for what we hoped was the stroll back, but no.  We were forced to go through yet another hoity-toity neighborhood until we got to Goose Shit Waterfront, and found the second beer-near, at Fox and Hound.  This was where we separated the wheat from the chaff, the men from the boys, the cynics from the newly-weds, and we bid a fond adieu to Puff and Tina.  We also had a truncated version of a circle, with 31 slaps of Gooey's can.

For the last mile of this 26.2 experience, exhaustion set in, forcing the pack to kick dried goose shit at each other.  Then when the goose shit petered out, the chucking of half-filled "water" bottles commenced.  Having just finished almost everyone's first marathon, the pack scattered to their respective homes, whimpering variations of "Shitty Trail".  On on.

Confidential

Trail #1273 - "Sheesh, this is Global Warning?" 
Hare:  Dipstick
Hounds:  Cumbag, Poopy, Dipshit, Puff, NBA, Tina, BTK at the on-in

We couldn't have chosen a more miserably cold day to run about the environs of Andover, but that doesn't seem to keep us from hash-like behavior.  Dip led the pack through the cross-country tracks of Andover High School, introducing to the hash the concept of Turkey-Eagle; Turkey-Turkey; Eagle-Eagle; and Eagle-Turkey trails....Huh????  Not sure exactly what this meant, we ended up following plops of flour until we found the beer near.  Thankfully, this was not one of Dip's seven-mile ordeals, and he led us back to the on-in, where we were able to thaw out a bit and get some feeling back to our exposed skin.  Once we were revived with nectar and pizza, circle ensued, songs were sung, BTK got his obligatory dead-bug, and all was right with the world.  On on.