Tornado Alley Hash House Harriers

What?  Tornado Alley Hash #1130
Where? Soggy Bottoms on West St. 
When? Wednesday, August 29th, 6:30
Hare? Amanta Feel and Fuck
Hash Cash? $3



Hounds: Phi Phi, Ass P.O.R.N., Tequila Tony, ADHD, NBA, Born On Your Anus, Puff the Magic Ass Grabber.  

Better late than never, right? This is hash trash for our weekly mid-week gathering,
Wednesday, August 29, hash (#1030 ?). We met at Soggy Bottoms on West Street, with
Amanta haring. The hounds were Tequila Tony, BoyAnus, Phi-Phi L., ADHD, NBA, Puff the
Magic Assgrabber, AssPORN, and BP showed up for the prelube but wimped out on the
trail. Now, this was a momentous occasion as our hare decided to dead lay the trail, and
r*n the trail with the hounds. However, the hare was useless because she wouldn’t give us
any indication of which split to take. Sheesh, what’s the use of having the hare with us if we
can’t use her to cheat?

The upside was that the scenery was delightful, as Wichita urban neighborhoods usually
are, and the shiggy was plentiful. I did not get any reports of chiggers or poison ivy on this
trail, miraculously. The hare claimed it was 4.1 miles (technology, anyone?), but with such
breathtaking scenery, who noticed?

Beer Near was at the Oasis on Maple, where the beer is plentiful, and the pool players are
cranky.

We circled back at Soggy Bottoms, with Tequila Tony as Acting RA. He did an adequate job
(he acted as Songmeister as well, introducing us to several new and delightful songs. Many
pitchers were consumed, and there was much rejoicing.

Since Soggy Bottoms is not quite the class joint that, say, Café Bel Ami is, the kitchen was
closed and there was no food. So some of the hounds took off for home (sheesh, family?
really?), and the rest of the wankers journeyed to Walt’s for greasy hash style food. It was
a late night (really? 4.1 miles?), but we were better human beings for it. On On!

Hare - Captain Dipshit
Hounds - BOYA, JLT, BP, PPL, Weiner, NBA, Penis Pump, TLC,  KFC

Philanthropy feels good, doesn't it?  As the saying goes, it's better to give than to receive.  So Team Tornado Alley H3 did its civic and moral duty and crawled on Saturday to eliminate cancer.  We started at Finn's in Old Town and worked our way through the required pitchers of beer, then followed trail on to Doc Howard's.  There we drank down another mandatory number of pitchers, but still had the energy to show Wichita how to dance as well as how to hula hoop.  A few of us also managed to accost some kilted cancer crawlers and demanded to see what was under the kilts.  We were disappointed.

Next stop (did I mention that we managed this crawl in torrential downpours?  It did not deter us though), was Club Liquid where we continued to dance, drink and make fools of ourselves (or was that just NBA?). Yet another downpour helped us r*n to the next bar, Heroes.  At Heroes, we were treated to more pitchers of beer as well as to popcorn.  The hare then led us to our last oasis, Brickyard, where we were given more pitchers of beer.  We heroically downed the golden elixir, and then crawled our way to Biggins for something more substantial than beer.  Of course, we had a couple of pitchers of beer to wash down the food.  We planned to attend the after party but the line at Pandora's was obscenely long, and we decided to go back to the Captain's abode to continue our party in private (who wants to party with amateurs anyway).  We lost Weiner fairly early (she finished the crawl, though, which says a lot for her desire to fight cancer).

Hash Trash, TLC, KFC, JLT and BOYA left about 7 pm (wimps), but the real hashers stayed on.  Perhaps one of them can add to the Trash, if something monumental happened.   All in all, Team TAH3 made a difference in the fight against cancer.  We were such successful warriors that we hope to make this an annual hash event.  On on.

What?  Tornado Alley Hash #1128
Where? Merle's Place
When? Wednesday, August 22nd
Hare? Puff
Hash Cash? $3 


Hounds: Phi Phi Licker, Dipstick, Born on Your Anus, Tequila Tony, Boathouse Pussy, 100% Fonda Peter, Amanta Feel and Fuck, ADHD, KFC


Puff was the hare, need we say more?  All trails are shitty, but this one had live worms in it, eating the shit and then shitting it back out.  The hare used two sticks of chalk for about four miles of trail, which gave him plenty of time to get back to the ONIN as the hounds were constantly forced to look for trail at the egregious amount of intersections he marked. Also, he managed to wait about 3.5 miles into a four mile trail before there was a BN.  It's hard to understand why this happened considering we passed both the Shamrock on Douglas AND the Stadium on Maple.  


Because of the length and difficulty of the trail, hounds didn't start returning until 8:30, at which point about half of them had to get home ASAP and missed the circle entirely.  


Positives?  It was nice to hash through the Friends campus, and the BN at the Vagabond was a good idea.  BOYA even managed to recruit a potential hasher!  It was a fun trail, all in all, and we can't wait for Puff to do his annual haring again next summer!  

What?  Tornado Alley Hash #1127
Where? 348 N. Erie (NBA's Abode)
When? Saturday, August 18th - 2:00
Hare? NBA
Hash Cash? $5 

Hounds: BOYA, Dip, Shit, Phi Phi, Weiner, ADHD, nnHunter, Tequila Tony, BP

Hounds gathered at NBA’s house around 2:00, eagerly anticipating what was sure to be one of her signature shiggyless, short, half-assed trails.  In the spirit of erection day, Dip showed up campaigning for NBA to be GM for at least five more years, possibly for life.  But before erections, there was a hash to be had.  The hare finally left around 2:30, and the hounds followed suit 15 minutes later.  Trail led  through the northern end of the college hill neighborhood, across Central, and into the Sleepy Hollow neighborhood where hounds followed a dry creek bed for a ½ mile.  Considering said creek bed was well over a mile into trail and there were various tunnels around it, it was agreed upon by the group that the hare should have supplied a BN in the area.  But no, it wasn’t until we were about 2.5 miles into trail that our illustrious hare decided that we may be thirsty, and left us a few Miller Lites in a black sack surrounded by poison ivy.   Shit, Dip, BP, TT, BOYA, ADHD and nnGunner took their time with the beer, waiting for Weiner and Phi Phi to show up, but ultimately decided to move on.  Another mile along an abandoned train track and back through the neighborhood let us to NBA’s house, where we had a circle and then erections.   The trail ultimately ended up being one of NBA’s finest, which came as a real shock to us hounds.


After the circle, erections were had by all.  Despite an overwhelming, landslide victory for our incumbent GM, NBA, she refused to serve, forcing an emergency vote, in which Born On Your Anus agreed to fuck things up for at least the next year.  Also noteworthy was our decision to discontinue the phone line (Dip will hare a wake in its honor).  After erections, our new GM proved his work by decisively winning a PBR shotgun competition in which he polished off 12 ounces in about three seconds.  Actually, that was the coolest thing about the whole day. Oh yeah, then we jumped on the trampoline and shit nailed a back flip.  

Other Erection results: 


GM - BOYA
Hare Raiser-Dip Shit
"Puffer" (the person that lets Puff know about hashes since we're killing the phone line) - NBA and Dip Shit
RA - Dip
Cash - Dip
Attendance - Dip
Webmeister - BOYA and Dip Shit
Trash - NBA (when she's not on trail, others will fill in)
Flash - Everyone
Songmeister - Tequila Tony 

 

What? Tornado Alley Hash #1126
Where? Heroes Sports Bar and Grill
When? 6:30pm, Wednesday, August 15th
Hare? Dipshit
Hash Cash? $3

Hounds? NBA, Phi Phi Licker, Dipstick, PUFF, Tequila Tony, AMANTA, nn Charlie (Virgin)

Hash #1126-hared by Dipshit, we gathered at Heroes for drinks before starting trail, ventured through the Old Town area before heading north through Via Christi Regional Medical Center. Not sure how PUFF lost trail here and turned around back to Heroes. The hounds found the BN at the Artichoke, one of the hounds said  " Beer near at the Choke! Wish it were a sandwich near." (no name mentioned) Damn fine sandwich's they have to go along with a brew but anywho. Shortly after was a turkey eagle split where only one hound, Tequila Tony, took the very scenic, riverside area, bike path which was closed to the public butt not for hashers, to the Keeper of The Plains and next to the river and into downtown. The wankers/other hounds followed a mildly turkey trail confined by buildings such as the courthouse, jail, and nothing else exciting. The On In/On After was back at Heroes for the Circle, beers and food, while briefly playing trivia that the bar DJ was hosting. Trail Difficulty: 1.69. Length: not long enough. It was a spectacular (pre-laid) trail by the hare! ON ON

What?  Tornado Alley Hash #1125
Where? Parking Lot of the Great Plains Nature Center, just west of Woodlawn on 29th St.  
When? 3:30 pm, Sunday, August 12
Hare? Born On Your Anus
Hash Cash? $5


Trail Length - 3ish miles with two BNs.  
Shiggy?  Maybe some wet feet, but probably not.  Some Poison Ivy on the edge of trail, but avoidable.

Hounds?  Just Lays There, NBA, Phi Phi Licker, Tequila Tony, Dipstick, Puff, Polly, BP, nn E

Hash #1125 - hared by Born On Your Anus, who seems to think that there's a prize for haring three hashes in a row (don't anyone tell him it's called the Sucker Prize).  Starting in the parking lot of Chisholm Creek Park, the hare took off north.  The pack gave the hare lots of time (we had beer to drink), and we easily found trail until a split.  Evidently the trail took the left split another mile to the first beer near, but no one found that trail since the right split looped around to the true trail, thus saving us the trouble of r*nning the superfluous mile.   Trail eventually took us under Hwy. 96 to the north side of the park to the second BN, which we had no trouble locating.  We then made our way back to the On-In behind the park's toilets.  The circle had a number of dead bugs and flying dead bugs (usual suspects as well as newbies). 
 
The on-after took place at Larry Bud's, and there was much rejoicing.  Conversation took place about erections and the suckers - um, appropriate hashers, who would be well-suited to the illustrious and much-coveted hash mismanagement positions.
 
Which brings us to the information we've all been waiting for:  hash erections will take place following the hash this cumming Saturday, August 18, 2:00 pm, from NBA's house, 348 N. Erie, off 2nd Street west of Hillside.  Hare will be NBA.

Show up for the hash, or you may find yourself erected RA or GM.  On on.

Nothing too extensive on this one.  It was a semi-impormtu, yet advertised, event.  Five hashers braved the shiggy of the Old Chicago Old Town dining room and bar area before getting to the ONIN and enjoying more of their beverages.  

Hares:  I.M. Weiner, Shit
Hounds: NBA, BOYA, Phi Phi Licker