What: Tornado Alley Hash #1167
When: Wednesday, January 23 - 6:00 PM
Hare: Anus/Tiny Flasher
Location: Public at the Brickyard - 129 N. Rock Island
Hash Cash: $3
Hounds: Dip, Amanta, BP, PPL, NBA, Puff, Tina, nnTim
It's all about the chalk, wanks, it's all about the chalk. The saintly NBA has provided chalk for you worthless half-minds for the past several years out of her own coffee-can stash that she keeps stuffed in the floorboards, but we all know that the evil Dr. Brownback is trying to eliminate salaries for our state's downtrodden teachers and force them into indentured servitude without pay. (Well, that's the rumor I heard.) It's now time for you irresponsible a-holes to pull out your pennies and purchase some sidewalk chalk and contribute it to the cause.
Now, what does that have to do with last night's trail, you might ask? Everything, you miserable wankers! Because last night's stellar trail, laid by Tiny Flasher, and secondarily by Anus, was wasted on you pitiful blobs of protoplasm due to the miserable quality of un-seeable chalk that the poor hares were forced to use. Now is the time for all good hashers to contribute to the chalk collection.
That being said, let's talk about that miserable trail. Starting from the Public in Old Town, which was refreshingly someplace new for us, the co-hares laid an immediate split outside the establishment on Rock Island. Trail took off to the south and then cut back west to the pigeon-shit-encrusted railroad underpass on Douglas. At least I think it did. This was the first place we lost trail. We finally found trail going across Douglas toward the Arena. At first we thought it may be a Dip-inspired parking garage trail, but with only one parking garage to run through, that wasn't the case. The hares then took us through the lobby adjacent to the swanky Cafe Bel Ami, which was torture due to the wonderful smells that were emanating from the kitchen. Here's where we lost trail the second time. Most of us r*n down the alley to the south, but no marks. That doesn't stop us hashers, though, since we lemming-like tend to follow the FRBs without stopping to realize that the last mark was 10 blocks back. We eventually found trail a couple of blocks to the south, miraculously, and followed it toward Commerce Street. Trail took us diagonally through a parking lot next to an abandoned building, where the hares "supposedly" left the beer near inside a broken window of the building. The interesting point here is that not a one of us saw the "giant" BN that was allegedly left there. This resulted in the Great Thirst of 2013.
We continued on to the Arena where trail took us up the railroad embankment and across the tracks. Once again, the hapless hounds lost trail, after scouring the entire train station locale. Finally, some wanker gave up and went down the driveway to the street where he found an arrow pointing back north. There was a T/E split (what the heck is that, you might ask, since there was no chalk talk?). Most took off on E arrow, but the smart one followed the T option. Rumor has it that the wankers on the E route lost trail one more time for good measure before ending back up at the start.
Back at the Public, beer was consumed, little food was ordered or eaten, and the circle could barely be called that, with just one song for the hares, and a symbolic Swing Low. Most wankers left early but the die-hards (you know who you are) continued on at the Rock Island next door. All in all it was a good hash and trail, but don't tell the hares I said so. On on!