Hare: Cuddle Puncher
Hounds: Dip, ASS, Dipshit, PPL, Cumbag Shitpants, Poopy, nnRussell, Tina, PBR, Hummer Gay'mes at ONIN
First of all, Tornado Alley Hash House Harriers would like to apologize for the extreme lateness of this trash. We at TAH3 strive to be a respectable organization, what with our thousands of hours of cummunity service hours (court appointed of course) but the C team didn’t get called off the bench until the last minute and after sitting so long, it's hard to pull a chewie that far out of your ass. I will do my best to recall the events of last Saturday through the fog of beer and heat. It was stupid hot.
The hare took off from Sedgwick County Park in what we were pretty certain was a plagiarized version of trail #1195; however, Cuddles claims to have been out of the country for that one. But really, it was basically the same thing but kinda backwards and we didn’t even get to go through the creepy junkyard-type place with piles of rusty shit everywhere. We were led to believe that the owner of said establishment threatened Cuddles with a shotgun. This writer suspects that the “no trespassing” signs were enough to scare him and not a hairy bellied redneck holding a rifle and bottle of Jergens. How unhashlike! We found our way to both beer nears and several water crossings. We also stopped for bomb pops from a sketchy ice cream van. Much to our disappointment, they were Mexican bomb pops and not the red, white, and blue American ones we were expecting. How unpatriotic, it was like we had to enjoy the bomb pops in Spanish or something. Hell no am I gonna press 2 to enjoy this frozen treat goddammit! Cuddles will soon be moving away from his mother hash to become an Elvis impersonator or some shit and we will surely miss his shitty trails! He'll likely return just to be FRB every couple of weeks and stock up on cheese sand. Until then, Fuck off Cuddles!!!
Dip appeared to struggle a bit when it came time for circle. (we did sing a few songs four times) I’m not sure if it was the heat, the beer, or the champagne he had for breakfast but somehow we made it. Plenty of Extra Gold was consumed by all. After accusations it was time to name nnRuss—who expressed concern about getting a boner during the questioning. Some potential names were Stripper Gripper, Baconcave, and Maytag Man. It was a fun naming and nnRuss —will now and forevermore be known as Gooey Spin Job.