Trail # 1218
Hounds: Amanta Feel N' Fuck, Anything Goes, Boathouse Pussy, Cuddle Puncher, Cumbag Shitpants, Gooey Spinjob, Hummer Gay'mes, No Blow Angel, Poopy the Fruit Dick Slayer, Puff the Magic Ass Grabber, Tina Eat the Piss, Turd Bird, nnMylinda, nnKen, nnMelissa, nnMike, nnColt, nnScott, nnTambra, nnRobin, nnMatthew, nnCollin,
Starting from the very kind and tolerant Casey's Bar and Grill at S. Oliver and 31st S., the hare led the unsuspecting pack on a delightful trail through and all over the charming subdivision of Planeview. Trail started out winding around in a nondescript area by McConnell Air Force Base, which lulled the hounds into a false sense of security. After we went through some scenic apartment complexes, we found trail which led us past the Boulevard of Abandoned Couches. We thought surely the hare would have stashed the beer-near by the couches so that we could sip our beverages in comfort, but no, once again, he did not give a thought for our well-being. Instead, he laid the screwiest true trail mark a bit down the way, going under the road through a sewage drain. At the other side of the tunnel, the hare left a message on the wall telling the pack where to find trail, but "Sssshhhh, don't tell anyone". For some reason, Dip forgot that the pack works as a team trying to catch the hare, and does not typically team up with the hare. So there was a HUGE arrow on the road showing the pack the direction the trail led. We eventually found trail at the most dangerous intersection in Wichita, and carefully crossed at our peril. We followed trail up and over the soapbox derby track, and found the hare waiting for the pack with the beer near in his car. TIna made the observation that this location might have actually been one of the crucial scenes in the famous horror film "Darkness" which was filmed in Wichita. http://vimeo.com/10149869 The majority of the pack, about 20 hashers, most of them no names drank beer and wondered why the hare didn't have the RC planes flying in the distance drop off beers to the thirsty hounds. The pack rolled the last two Natty Lights down the "only hill in Wichita" and let the DFLs fight the Latino family-who were legitimately exercising- over the coveted Golden Nectar.
Trail cut through a park and took us across a couple of little muddy creeks. Once we were over the second one, we found ourselves in the heart of scenic Planeview. We passed an amazing amount of trash, abandoned broken scooters, discarded high chairs, beater cars with windows broken out, two pit-bull puppies that looked like they belonged on a Sarah McLachlan commercial, ethnic men sitting outside drinking beer and leering at the harriettes as they ventured down the street. Oh and a possible rotting...something. Trail took the pack through a field of shiggy, and then straight up a vertical incline up to 31st Street. This then led us back to the on-in at Casey's where we all breathed a sigh of relief that we made it back alive and with our virtues intact.
Circle was conducted largely by Dipstick who had a difficult time remembering how the process went since he has been gone for most of the summer. Our visiting hasher Turd Bird regaled us with stories of nipple loss in TAH3. Nn*Matthew, a virgin, was instructed in the art of drinking in a circle, and was informed of how to get out of drinking. Apparently afterward, he decided to take Amanta up on her suggestion that he expose his Little Matt*, much to the delight of Amanta. Many songs were sung at a loud volume, with no regard for the sensitivities of the other patrons who just wanted to eat their ham sandwich in peace while watching major league baseball. We were very thankful that we weren't asked to leave. Some of the no names discussed where they fall on the Kinsey scale expecting members of TAH3 to be shocked, but the hashers continued to chew on buffalo wing gristle and sip lukewarm PBR wondering what the hell was up with Dip's true trail mark and why he didn't drink for it.
It was announced that Pee Pee Licker's Old Woman Birthday party will be Saturday night, 9ish, at the Alibi Room and all are invited. Also, Tina and Gooey will be haring a hash Saturday, noon, from Cessna Park. Circle was closed with Swing Low and there was much rejoicing. On On!
*Sorry nnCollin for any embarrassment that our mistake may have caused.