Hares: Cuddle Puncher and Hummer Gay'mes
Hounds: Puff the Magic Ass Grabber, Power Bottom Redding, Anything Goes, Tina Eat the Piss, Gooey Spinjob, and The Slayer and Cumbag at ONIN
The 1223rd running of the Tornado Alley Hash House Harriers was an experience that will forever be remembered by those who attended. Surely, the day will be marked each year with a toast and songs memorializing the adventures embarked upon from O'Malley's Pub at 31st South and Meridian. The hashers hid their vehicles behind the house of libations in order to confuse any latecummers to the hash. The hares took off but Hummer Gay'mes realized she didn't have any chalk. Rather than ask her co-hare for some, she attempted to fashion a true trail marking out of her own vomit. As admirable as her spirit was, Cuddle Puncher had an extra piece of chalk, so the hares only had to follow vomitrail for a short time.
After an easy jaunt through several southside back yards, the hares encountered their first water crossing. They were required to cross gaids-infested waters on precariously balanced stumps. Gooey Spin Job, who has lived fabulously with gaids for several years now, frolicked through the water without a care in the world. His joyful singing and playing in the sludge alerted the hares (who were nearly caught up) to the hounds' presence a few yards away and Cuddles and Hummer were only able to hide themselves in a pile of burrs and thorns just in time.
The hounds entered a forest and found the beer near in a cement hole in the ground surrounded by a poison ivy and wild hemp grove. The hares left behind such an ample amount of golden nectar that the hounds spent most of the afternoon quenching their collective thirst and enjoying good conversation and fellowship in beer. As they were preparing to leave, a trampling through the brush was heard and Puff came crashing through the trees in a frenzy. It appears that the Ass Grabber had been chased into the woods through the nettle patch by a rabid skunk which was attracted by his Puff Musk.
After the Beer Near, the hounds encountered numerous challenges which cannot be recounted here, for fear of legal reprisal. Trail eventually crossed a razor-topped fence which most hashers were loathe to hop. Gooey once again showed his mettle by taking a wild leap over the fence, but alas! He tore his scrotum open on one of the razors, losing one of his three testicles in the process. Incidentally, it was the ball he referred to as 'roast beef'. Anything Goes prudently found trail over a low spot in the fence and led the rest of the pack to shortcut past Hummer's cunningly laid YBF and into a truck stop parking lot.
The pack crossed under I-235 through what can only be described as a mud tunnel, where Tina lost a shoe to the muck and had to fashion a sandal out of straw and nettles. Out in the daylight, the hounds were met by the hares, whose original ONIN at Blue Lake was being jealously guarded by a violent National Coast Guard volunteer. The group then autohashed to the improvised ONIN at O'Malley's. Songs were sung, beer was drunk. Puff got to experience a towering flying deadbug and we all rejoiced. After circle, we enjoyed the ambiance and various drink specials O'Malley's had to offer.