Hounds: Puff, Cuddle Puncher, Hummer Gay'mes, Cumbag Shitpants, Dipstick, BrownNose WhiteSack
Six wankers braved the elements to run PCP’s inaugural trail, thus proving that hashers are the stupidest species on earth. But since both Wild Turkey and Warm Cider nears were promised and trail was co-led by the ever-knowledgeable NBA, what could go wrong?
Due to terrible weather, the hounds swore trail would be short before demanding an inordinate amount of time and taking off at a glacially slow pace. The air was cold and no one, aside from perhaps Brown Nose White Sack who had just his eyes and molester ‘stash visible, had bothered to check the weather, so the hounds drank their way through a most of a Growler and several flasks in an effort to stay warm. They set out with high hopes and bellies full of beer.
Trail started out innocently enough, crisscrossing through the ever-scenic Pawnee Prairie. Led by Cumbag and his trusty knife, Bear Grylls, Jr., the thirsty pack traversed the region for miles in search of the much-anticipated Wild Turkey Near. But instead of the WTN, trail led the hounds to a Bewildered Hares Near, where PCP and NBA stood mumbling something about a missing bridge. Cuddles made a gallant attempt to rid NBA of her pants, but quickly gave up when he realized she wasn’t going to stop him.
The hounds took pity on the bewildered hares, though, and gave them another shot at trail. While waiting for trail to restart, the hounds tried distracting themselves from the cold by focusing instead on the icicles forming on both Cuddles’ and PBR’s beards.
Continuing. The Wild Turkey Near was eventually found, Hummer scratched out trail and forced all hounds to bypass the Warm Cider Near, Dip’s spandex caused a car accident, and circle was historically short and cold.
All in all, an OK trail for a frigid day. On After at Paula’s for free sliders and chips, which almost made trail worth it.