Hares: Butthole Whisperer (B-dubbs) & Power Bottom Redding (PBR)
Hounds: Poopy the Fruit Dick Slayer, Cumbag Shitpants, Deb’s Dipstick, Mary Tyler Whore, NNChris/Butt-Her-Finger, Puff the Magic Ass Grabber, Sinnabar, Piss Car Poor (PCP), No Blow Angel (NBA), Tina Eat the Piss.
The follow-up the widely popular kid-friendly hash, hares PBR and B-dubbs decided to do an adult-friendly hash. By adult-friendly, they took us to their favorite hook up spot, Chisholm Creek Park / Sedgwick County Nature Center / Buy-a-6-Pack-and-a-Bottle-of-KY-and Meet-Me-At-Our-Regular-Spot-In-The-Bushes.
The trail went off to an absolutely shitty start by beginning with an “DOLN.” Yes folks, that’s a “Dead Oompa Loompa Near.” It’s exactly as stupid as it sounds. What’s even more stupid is the fact that one of the hares mistakenly thought Oompa Loompas appeared in The Wizard of Oz. If you would bother to take adolescent Judy Garland off of freeze frame on your VCR once in a while, you would realize that. Sicko.
And yeah, I said VCR. The hares still have VCRs because their pornographic faves were made illegal before the introduction of the DVD. Some ruling by the International Criminal Tribunal for the former Yugoslavia. They’re into some sick stuff.
Anyhoo, the rest of the trail was pretty much the hounds running from one patch of poison ivy to the next. Well, with the exception of the void expanses of dead earth which are able to support zero life. You know on those nature shows in Africa where there’s miles of cracked, dry earth, and a single, muddy puddle in the middle? And there’s just a couple exhausted, pathetic looking animals laying by it, waiting to die? That’s what the trail looked like. Except for the parts that were dense, humid, insect-infested poison ivy jungle. There was no middle ground. Thanks, hares.
After dragging themselves through these extremes, the hounds rewarded themselves by pulling ticks off every square inch of skin at the ONIN. Poopy the Fruit Dick Slayer had a tick crawling on her face. The hounds were amazed, but then remembered that she had lived with scabies, and realized this wasn’t her first rodeo.
As if we didn’t have enough parasites among us, a couple of ducks waddled over and mooched on free chips and beer. Unfazed by circle, they stayed, and may possibly be joining us for the next hash. They ended up being the most civilized hashers in TAH3.
It was decided to name NNChris, being that he has done 5+ hashes. There is the option to name a no-name hasher if the hasher does something stupid enough to warrant it. However, he’s been a constant stream of stupidity since he started hashing, so it’s hard to pick out a specific instance of stupidity from the cloud of idiocy that surrounds him. Questioning led to answers that gave us an even lower level of respect for him than we had started with, with wasn’t much in the first place. But after much deliberation, he will now, and forever be known as, Butt-Her-Finger. ONON!