#1301

Hares:  Power Bottom Redding, Poopy the Fruit Dick Slayer, Cumbag Shitpants

Hounds:  Dip, Puff, NBA, PQuad, Anything Goes, Dipshit, Tina, BTK, Hell Raiser (from Ankara H3)

Once again, the hares lied, lied, lied to the poor hounds.To begin with, this miserable excuse for a trail was advertised as a 1.31 shiggy level.  No way was it less than a 3.  Who knows how many cases of raging poison ivy rashes are raging at this very moment in Doodah due to the lack of forewarning to wear shiggy socks.  Additionally, we were promised two, yes, two, hares, but lo, and behold, when the wankers took off, there were three.    On top of these egregious sins, there was a boot located on trail that was strategically placed on the first intersection mark.  The hounds were sooo confused by this because this mark was not covered in chalk talk.

Trail then took the pack through weeds so high that we were only able to be sure we still had PQuad with us by the periodic glimpses of her scarlet red hair.  Yes, she is a midget, but still....we could have lost that cute little homunculus.  Soon after entering the shiggy level 2 of hell, we discovered the BBBN.  What, you ask might that be?  We don't know.  But it turned out to be a Boiling Bad Bourbon Near.  The hare responsible for procuring beverages for the pack specifically requested the cheapest, most rot-gut bourbon the liquor store had.  And this hare specifically asked for bourbon because he claims this particular beverage makes him ralph.  Plus it appeared that he pre-heated it in the microwave to ensure that it was especially undrinkable by the time we reached it. 

Soon after, we discovered the beer near which was hidden in a healthy patch of poison ivy by some railroad tracks.  But it was worthwhile because it was Rolling Rock beer, and after the bourbon, we were very thankful to have something that didn't cause our faces to hideously squinch up in distaste upon drinking it and trigger our gag reflexes.

As we left the BN, we had about a half mile (it seemed) of traversing the railroad tracks, with the accompanying aromas of dead cows that were obviously being transported in the train cars that we were passing.  We sincerely wanted to believe it was dead cows, or otherwise we would have had to come to terms with the fact that we were smelling the decomposing bodies of homeless people that the hares had murdered while laying trail.

Some "highlights" of the remaining portion of the trail:  marks leading into a drainage culvert which eventually led to a barred outlet; the Dead Cow airfield (this is absolutely true); trail leading by X-Citement Videos; and finally trail ending at the on-in in a junk yard.  We introduced Hell Raiser to the delights of dead-bugs, so it will be interesting to see if he shows back up after getting to drink his beer from a supine position.  The usual accusations were flung, there was a pitiful number of beers for such a thirst-producing trail, and all was right with the world.  On after was at Joe's with the pack sitting with glazed looks on their faces, not believing that they had actually survived that ordeal.  On on!